My wonderfully loving, ever playful, (often exasperating) husband and I have been married almost two years now. As I sit and admire the horizon of our two year anniversary, I recognize my heart is full and grateful. Sure he makes me laugh and is fun to be with. He’s a great Dad to our fur baby and would be an amazing father should we ever be blessed with children. He’s light and good hearted, a committed partner and a hardworking guy who would give the shirt off his back should he come across someone in need. Thankfully his skin is warm and his embrace comforting, but those are not the things I am grateful for today.
I am grateful for the promise he gave me almost two years ago now. The same promise he commits to, well WE commit to each and every day.
In a world that is constantly changing and breaking apart; in a life with no guarantees; he promises me permanency. He promises me, he’ll stick. It is in this sacred space between us, I find the freedom to truly be myself. I can be myself without caution, without filter and without political correctness. Yes there is judgment because we are not perfect. Of course there is insecurity, or times of resentment and conflict. But always, in the parameter of our space, is the freedom to just be; regardless of what that is. What greater love than this? He knows my scars, has carried my baggage, has felt my weaknesses and knows my faults, but even still; we remain.
I once had a girlfriend, express to another girlfriend that she has a “forgiving heart”, is that the glue? Is that the fence that holds this intimate space? Maybe it’s love, forgiveness, support, companionship, loyalty, commitment – or maybe it’s something simple like a promise that holds the space between two people where they can be in relationship, be fiercely themselves and still be accepted just as they imperfectly are; even if they bloom in different directions.
This kind of permanency and security in my marriage is familiar to me, it comes from my family. It is the unconditional presence my mom, dad, sisters, brothers, cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews have always offered; it’s not always pretty or presented with a beautiful bow, but we are blood; ever changing but ever remaining.
I was driving home the other night after having met a girl friend for coffee. It was pretty late and dark outside. As I rounded the bend to turn into our garage, I was heartened to drive closer and notice my husband, without me having to ask, had left the lights on for me. That small gesture of love touched me. That’s what love does, in our spaces, regardless of what is going on, we leave the lights on so our loved ones can find their ways easier.
So this day, I am grateful. My heart is full for these people and these spaces in my life that have given me the gift of being loved, understood and accepted; these ones that have lightened my way. I realize that it’s in these spaces that I truly grow and find freedom ….it are these spaces that I claim; the ones I live in, live for and give my promises to….<3