And he said to me so carefully but so honestly; he had felt like he wasn’t able to celebrate the incredible miracle we had been granted and it was my fault… Talk about when you really see something, it’s nearly impossible to unsee no matter how hard you try. Let me backtrack, yaddy yaddy yadda Stage
It’s been one year, since I received a stage four lung cancer diagnosis and left my Oncologist office with a bottle of pills, all the hair on my head and no scars on my chest. In looking back, there were several things that happened that day, that I didn’t realize were simultaneously happening while I
The Three F’s: FAT, FORGETFUL and not FUN. Shhhh, use your inside voice, I’m a string pulled to its tightest. Approach me gently because my fight or flight is in the red. Honestly, try not to dig too deep because there’s a lot I can’t verbalize. I’m friggin trying, but tonight it feels futile. I
How didn’t you line the streets with white rose petals and close shops down? How could you exchange money that day or check your phone? How didn’t you come and pick me up off the floor? How did you continue to live and breathe normally? Could the sun even dare to shine? You laughed that
I’ve read a lot of different kinds of self-help books over the years. Books about spirituality, diets, exercise, forming habits, how to be a better person, 10% happier, boundaries…none of it stuck. I use to spend a lot of time in my head, wondering/thinking/worrying/wishing…fruitlessly but tirelessly. We are our own worst enemies. We are the
These cancer meds kinda suck. Ya ya ya they are working hard to minimize the cancer that has formed a mass in my left lung, the cancer that has spread to four of my lung lymphnodes and the cancer that has infected my right rib (thank you for trying to save me) but omg their
Did I create it? Did I inherit it? Did I cause it? Did I deserve it? 2024 has been a ‘stretching” year for us, like pulled paper thin kinda stretching. 2024: Our work building unexpectedly flooded putting our offices out of commission for months, displacing us back home (which post covid is pretty isolating and
You came to my door,I swear I felt you coming from miles away. I knew it was you before you arrived.Those familiar footstepsthe chill that precedes you,the shallowed breaththe heavy energy;the way fear begins to fill the empty spaces in the room. I knew you were coming,I felt the shift.The last minute panic feelings of helplessness
Damn those monsters under your bed; the ones that keep you up at night. Because you won’t tell me their names, I don’t know how to befriend them. You try so hard to fight them on your own; that by the time the sun rises and I see you again, you are bruised, battered, beaten,
I love you, I am listening. I did a meditation recently and it was exactly the right thing at the right time. My husband and I are going through a period of flux and transition right now and it’s tough to be in the middle of so much change and uncertainty. But the more I look