Truth be told, my husband and I had a not so fairytale start together. Despite our crazy chemistry we were absolute opposites in EVERYTHING – you name it, we were on opposing ends of it! Our connection was entirely irrational and definitely unreasonable. But despite our differences, we were unexplainably drawn to each other from the start! How? Why? The connection came before we connected intellectually and emotionally – I always figured it was chemically, but now looking back, I realize it was spiritually – a meant to be kind of thing…
It’s hard to choose a husband with immature eyes and an ego driven heart. Back in the day I was attracted to good looking guys (well beauty is in the eye of the beholder #hindsight) with big personalities – the cool guys. Back then too, I had a specific group of girlfriends I use to brunch with and party with all of the time. We were fun, funny, sex in the city type gals who were too cool for everything. I remember the first time I saw my husband dance was just a few months into us being together, and we were amongst these friends…my husband unexpectedly busted out into some kind of super jovial VERY commotionary dance maneuvers which I’m pretty sure included random clapping…and I remember seeing the huge grin across his face as he danced in front of me while I stared back at him in mortified awe worrying about what my girlfriends were thinking.
He was unlike anyone I’d ever dated before.
Thank God for that. Thank God, he came into my life and bursted my cool little, ‘constantly worried about what everyone thinks of me’ bubble…thank God he was bigger, and the plan was much bigger than my ego.
Fast forward almost seven years later to this past weekend. Despite having huge holiday plans, I got bronchitis and, what felt like a friggin extra large side of flu and fever. I was completely laid out for five days. I hadn’t been this sick in years. Everything hurt, my entire body ached, I had a fever, bad cough and was entirely out of commission- well out of my mind might be a more accurate way of describing it. I might have tried pulling the blanket over me only to inadvertently flip my glass of cranberry juice all over me, my pillow and side of the bed…ugh…I was confused almost, slow to react, feeling completely bogged down, not myself and crazy emotional. Not having health on any level is hard to confront and sure makes you appreciate what it means to be healthy. But without even a second thought, there was my husband, constantly filling my hot water bottle, changing the sheets, rubbing my back, helping me in and out of the tub, picking up food for us, and being the incredible support I felt so held and comforted by. Those big shoulders that carried my emotional and physical heaviness the whole time. He watched a movie on his ipad beside me as I slept through New Years Eve. My Dad also came down with a similar virus and without any hesitance, my husband took my Dad to the emergency clinic and stayed with him there from around 6p to 5:30a.m the next morning without any complaint.
I am so heartened by Jason’s incredible heart, his patience, his joy, his deep capacity to selflessly help those who need it, his willingness to run miles for those he loves, his creativity, his sense of humour, his strong arms, big shoulders, idealistic outlook, powerful strength and emotional depth – I am so thankful for this amazing man who humbled my loud ego, who quieted my judgment and totally cracked my heart wide open.
So that would be my advice – when and if you choose a partner…choose one who can’t dance…well, let me rephrase that, someone who can’t dance with ego and conscientiousness; instead marry someone who dances without inhibition and with joy…and crumbles your cool little world and shatters everything meaningless and finally lets the meaningful in.