It’s funny – it’s hard sometimes to really identify the passage of time, other than the changing numbers on our cell phone screens or page turns in our (well MY “kicking it old school”) daily planner. We don’t really notice how each passing day brings about a small ounce of change that eventually all amalgamates together and forms something we loosely identify by a number we call our age. It’s hard even to sometimes see in each other…but every once in a while, something stands out, knocks me upside of the head and reminds me that time is moving and we are changing…forever.
Maybe it was the crookedness of my Mom’s arthritic knuckles, or the discolouration on top of her hands – or maybe it was the way my Dad rubbed his face the other night, maybe it was in the small subtle way he did it, that looked weathered and tired…
Actually noticing these changes makes my heart feel heavy – makes me nostalgic of the people they once were and will never be again…and in the midst of their declining health, their eroding mental states or weathered bodies… I remember to be glad.
Today is the best day I will ever get with them again….tomorrow will bring another small change that may go unnoticed, until more days compound and that initial change from days ago, deepen and builds into yet another remarkable change that may one day knock me off my feet again. I remind myself today, to serve them joyously, love them ceaselessly but constantly forgive everything I will inevitably do otherwise.
I understand that their wants feel immediate and their needs feel pressing to them now, their minutes of quietness feel like repetitive hours – their waning purpose makes them sleep longer and think more…but as much as I want to, I can’t always respond selflessly and idealistically anymore – I don’t always feel so bright eyed and bushy tailed and will not always be keen to ask “how high” when told to jump…you see life has weathered me too.
But in this shared weathered’ness we continue to embrace today in the ways we are most able to, and love each other now, because time doesn’t allow it to be any other way. <3