My husband and I spent a much needed week in Huatulco and got back about a week ago. I had left all of our Christmas stuff (decorating and shopping) undone, to be accomplished when we got back.  Of course, things have felt like a whirlwind since getting back, and nothing has been wrapped, written or decorated.  It almost doesn’t feel worth it to try and catch up now. It’s been a tough year, and I know I’m not alone in this numb unChristmasey feeling this year.

As human beings, I know we start with the best of intentions.  We plan, make goals, and promises – we commit, we hope, we strive and we try to be good.  We scrape down our callouses and promise ourselves we will reset.  But we are human, flawed, imperfect and sinful.  And as much as we try to come from that good place, we act and operate from our dysfunctions.  And maybe that’s what we miss when we plan or set out our New Years resolutions.  We try and compartmentalize our good from our bad; as if they aren’t inherently intertwined together within us, making us exactly who we are…as if these parts of us don’t affect or infect each other.  So we keep cycling.  We keep picking ourselves up with new promises; tumbling down and getting back up…in such desperate need of a saving grace, asking for meaning and purpose to this circle of humanness we can’t free ourselves from…but then one night, a child was born, and they called him Emmanuel “God is with us”.  With Him came this promise that we wouldn’t be alone in our humanness, and none of our dysfunctions nor any of our promises would destroy or master us, because He would be greater than them all. He would come into our humanness and leave as our Saviour.

Until this very moment, I said I wasn’t feeling very Christmasey.  That it’s been a tough year, and I miss my Mom, that I’m upset and angry with life and feeling a little soul sick…but You come and remind me, this time isn’t about any feeling of Christmas, it’s the truth…and You call me to surrender all of these things: my intentions, my promises, my dysfunctions and feelings to the real truth of Christmas.  He is now with us.  Our tree isn’t up, the gifts aren’t wrapped nor our cards written…but what greater gift than this to go deeper than my humanness and save my soul sickness…that’s Hope…that’s Emmanuel.  <3